now please

truly it is good to be here in the midst of friends and family. i find most of my friends are doing well and are stable living out their lives. i find my parents in tougher of times lately so i think it's good to be around them and ask for smiles.

currently i am sitting in michelle's house. lucy and sammy are asleep making little puppy noises. i haven't done much today but be here. i feel as though introspection is slightly taking over my brain - though i don't want it to. thoughts of the future and what life holds for me. whether or not i feel fulfilled or empty. whether i like how things have shaped up thus far and where they are going. life and love life and love...
i'm trying hard not to be too introspective while I am here. I know usually it's a one way road to destinations i have no desire to go to - though it's hard not to be. each day while I have been here there has been a fair amount of alone time - something i'm finding myself avoiding like a plague on my happiness. my sister is busy with work and life and she has a beautiful life at that. my mother busy with her mother who may be on the last weeks of her journey in life. my dad is wading the waters fishing for trout. friends all at work in their busy careers. and here I am trying to fight lonliness with a stick and hoping i come out on top. I guess it's not really lonliness, it's just all these unanswered questions about direction that i want answered.
now please.