i have been so stressed this week. i know it's nearing Christmas but somehow the stress just doesn't allow me to feel it...you know, the Christmas cheer and all.
i left Charlotte feeling rather conflicted about the move in the first place. Asking for the Lord to guide me and speak. I believe He did, but I always feared that maybe He was asking me to choose what I wanted. I kept praying that if that were true, if indeed the Lord was asking me to choose; that He would give me the grace to actually choose what He wanted and change my desires if they weren't the best. Does that make sense? B/c I just don't know what I want outside of just Him. I know it sounds like the goody-sunday-school-what-your-supposed-to-say answer. But it's true. I just don't.
Anyway, since I have been here (Springfield - and yes I realize I've only been back for a week) it has been compounded by walking straight into a job that had me hit the ground running the week before Christmas. And when I say running I mean running.
I'm one of those types of people who puts my whole self into any task that I do when it comes to work. I like to work hard and effectively. But I fear the many details of my job I really don't know how to do. And my stomach hurts realizing that it will put me in a position of weakness on a pretty consistent basis. At least for awhile... And I don't like not knowing what I'm doing.
I guess no one does really. (that was an awkward paragraph)
Anyhow, I'm praying that God would give me grace and wisdom. That He would keep my eyes open to what it is He is doing in my life. That I would want His best and the road He has picked for me. Wherever that is. I recently started writing a song based off of Psalm 61 - and have been humming it all week in the midst of my empty tank of Christmas cheer:
"Hear my cry o God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You. When my heart is overwhelmed, Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." // "So I will sing praise to Your name forever, That I may daily perform my vows." ps 61:1-2,8
Lord I won't grow slient nor weary, I will daily perform my vows.
3 comments:
i like you and your musing. you're awesome, and your thoughts are much appreciated, as they show me i'm not alone in that.
also, you're encouragement is wonderful. i hope you are able to settle in to something equally as wonderful as God leads you.
p.s. - i literally just patted oliver for you. so there.
p.p.s. - i'd like to hear your song if you have a tune for it :-)
merry christams winnie. i wish we could have met up for a bit while i was in springfield. maybe feb when i am back then? good luck with the transition and embracing where you are at in life right now. love ya!~
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