I won a war but I'm still fighting

For those of you who are wondering what I'm doing in the next season of my life - Don't worry your not the only one, I am too. :) And for those of you who have heard that I'm moving back to Charlotte next week, well, no, that isn't true. Next week i will be shipping a lot of chocolate - actually a ton - to Sweden. My season there is almost up, however there is yet to be a determined end date. To where I go (or don't go, or stay, or leave) , I am still fighting to figure that out.

If you have been reading my blog or been talking to me you probably are aware that i'm in a hard season. I think maybe one of the hardest yet. I mean I'm okay and all. I'm breathing. I've eaten dinner and even had cake. I have some clothes on. I have a little headache and some sinuses but for the most part i'm healthy. And I'm definitely aware that most of us go through these very real seasons of perpetual winter, darkness, wilderness - whatever you want to call it - it's normal. I know I'm not Job or anything, but I think I'm qualifying myself as going through one of those times. I'm living in the quarterlife crisis if you will. Aware that I have no idea of what I'm doing. Aware of my singleness after about twenty times dancing to the YMCA in a bridesmaid dress at someone else's wedding. Aware that I have so much to learn. Aware that my longing for God won't go away until He comes. Very aware that I don't know how to motivate myself to work most of my life. Aware that some mistakes can't be fixed no matter how much one tries. Etc Etc.
And it's not that i'm not happy. I think I won a war against my emotions about a year ago and there is no going back to being ruled by them. But, then again I still have them. Sometimes they tell me that things won't get better. Sometimes they tell me to stop fighting for joy and to accept defeat.
But (I hope) I won't stop praying, I won't stop trying, and won't stop searching until I find where Lord wants me.
And there you go - there's my vunerable post for the month.

Love you all.