almost there

Yesterday i found out that they have found my replacement at my job. you know, the one I quit a month ago - i know you might have forgotten about that, i almost did. And consequently I didn't really expect it. Although of course i did at some point, maybe just not yesterday. maybe not so soon. or maybe i expected it sooner and then it didn't happen so i then i was lingering. i thought about going up to my boss yesterday (before my replacement was in for her second interview) and telling him that i would stick around even longer, that it really wasn't so bad. I know i was just trying to tell myself that of course. I happen to think that God shut the door for me.
So at the end of May I will be done with my chocolate experience. Thus begins my wandering and praying for the right thing to come. i have a feeling that my life is going to take some huge turns (of course that would be expected to a certain extent - but more so than just a job change) however i don't know quite yet what those are.
The best way I've come up with to explain how my life is playing out right now is the way one feels when getting ready to climb a big, fat, long, craggy peak. You know if you've climbed a peak that as you rise early from your Mountain Hardware sleeping bag and matching tent, that there are feelings of excitement. And then you get to the trailhead, you take a good look around, maybe get out your topo map, and you see the peak ahead. You think it looks pretty from the trailhead - look at the pretty snow and endearing clouds that cover the top of it - not so much close to a friggin nightmare (okay I'm being dramatic) to actually summit. You look around and see streams and valleys and the path ahead - and there's a thrill in the fact that you are about to accomplish something - i mean birds are singing. Then, of course you walk. And walk. AND WALK. And walk so more. And and some point, there are scary places. The air is thin, there are craggy rocks, your low on water, your cold, and there are multiple thoughts of stopping....

I'll jump ahead to where this is going for the both of us: you get to the top, don't worry. It just isn't a cake walk. It's a mountain. So I'm thinking that I'm somewhere in the middle of this thing walking.

Anyway, I'm optimistic after talking to some close family members and friends. Thanks to those of you who have been there for me in this weird part of life. I think I've grown from it way more than I even realize.