I changed my room (I know...my room, as if I'm still in college and am not 26) around yesterday because i have had a bit of too much alone time. Haven't been feeling too cozy lately, so, needed my room to be. this is my oh so serious 'le sigh' face.
10.14.2008
le sigh
I changed my room (I know...my room, as if I'm still in college and am not 26) around yesterday because i have had a bit of too much alone time. Haven't been feeling too cozy lately, so, needed my room to be. this is my oh so serious 'le sigh' face.
10.10.2008
what is on my mind at the moment
1. I want to go to Iceland
2. I am drinking good coffee from the Coffee Ethic. Love this little get away
3. I am listening to good music sitting across from my beautiful sister.
4. I miss my Arin.
5. I really really really want more of God. More than anything else. This hunger is becoming by best friend.
6. I think I want to start painting again and maybe write a new song too.
7. I want to go to Israel this summer with my friend Katherine.
10.07.2008
He moves therefore we watch
In my meditation today I got a little into Luke 12 - mostly verse 37:
"Blessed are those servants whom the master, when he comes, will fill find watching. Assuredly, I say to you that he will grid himself and have them sit down to eat, and will come serve them."
I thought about two things while meditating today: 1. what it means to watch and wait 2. why Jesus speaks so often of servants and masters as he speaks of the partnership between Him and the bride. (I might blog about number two later - but am sorta touching it in the watching and waiting thoughts...)
So watching is interesting. I never really thought it was but i think it is now. Mainly because I'm in this season of doing it. Watching for something usually happens when the thing you are looking at is in motion, or atleast, you know it will be. There's a definite difference between watching and just looking or merely glancing at something. I took a conscious peek at my room today and wondered to myself if I had ever "watched it". I thought, no, I look at it. I glance at it. There's no need to watch a room unless there's something alive inside of it. I looked at a tree today and thought, am I watching this? And indeed, I was, because it was moving. Because the wind was increasing and it was blowing all over the place. Something was happening or when it wasn't i knew that it would. And as I thought more about watching I came up with a little working definition of my own - Watching requires absence and focusing on a yet to come presence (whether it be someone, something happening, someone coming, etc.) Watching has everything to do with absence and presence... In the case of this scripture, Jesus is speaking about waiting for Him to come, though he tarries. He is saying to be ready immediately. He talks a lot about servants that decide since the master is taking his sweet time and that everything looks alright in the house - that it's okay to do something else. They become distracted, grab a bite to eat, drink some wine, take a nap...
Anyway, to the servant who watches Jesus says he will fellowship with, and serve. I believe the whole thing is a picture of what it means to partner with God. Our role in watching and waiting and His role in coming back - but this complete sharing of fellowship, friendship, and even Jesus serving His very servants. And all of this to say that I'm feeling very very burdened to partner with God's heart on large and small subjects - and I'm feeling very much like it's time that the Bride watches and waits with the Lord. And to be honest, that she's not. At all. We've been taking naps and drinking wine and feeding our appetites. But it's time to partner with Him and forget about all of our own little needs and distractions - surely a good Master will feed His servants and take care of their needs? We are called to be ready for Him - because He moves.
"Blessed are those servants whom the master, when he comes, will fill find watching. Assuredly, I say to you that he will grid himself and have them sit down to eat, and will come serve them."
I thought about two things while meditating today: 1. what it means to watch and wait 2. why Jesus speaks so often of servants and masters as he speaks of the partnership between Him and the bride. (I might blog about number two later - but am sorta touching it in the watching and waiting thoughts...)
So watching is interesting. I never really thought it was but i think it is now. Mainly because I'm in this season of doing it. Watching for something usually happens when the thing you are looking at is in motion, or atleast, you know it will be. There's a definite difference between watching and just looking or merely glancing at something. I took a conscious peek at my room today and wondered to myself if I had ever "watched it". I thought, no, I look at it. I glance at it. There's no need to watch a room unless there's something alive inside of it. I looked at a tree today and thought, am I watching this? And indeed, I was, because it was moving. Because the wind was increasing and it was blowing all over the place. Something was happening or when it wasn't i knew that it would. And as I thought more about watching I came up with a little working definition of my own - Watching requires absence and focusing on a yet to come presence (whether it be someone, something happening, someone coming, etc.) Watching has everything to do with absence and presence... In the case of this scripture, Jesus is speaking about waiting for Him to come, though he tarries. He is saying to be ready immediately. He talks a lot about servants that decide since the master is taking his sweet time and that everything looks alright in the house - that it's okay to do something else. They become distracted, grab a bite to eat, drink some wine, take a nap...
Anyway, to the servant who watches Jesus says he will fellowship with, and serve. I believe the whole thing is a picture of what it means to partner with God. Our role in watching and waiting and His role in coming back - but this complete sharing of fellowship, friendship, and even Jesus serving His very servants. And all of this to say that I'm feeling very very burdened to partner with God's heart on large and small subjects - and I'm feeling very much like it's time that the Bride watches and waits with the Lord. And to be honest, that she's not. At all. We've been taking naps and drinking wine and feeding our appetites. But it's time to partner with Him and forget about all of our own little needs and distractions - surely a good Master will feed His servants and take care of their needs? We are called to be ready for Him - because He moves.
10.05.2008
stopping in for a post
humph. what to say? not much today honestly. I just got back from church at the Vineyard and now I'm going to enjoy a day off alone and with the Lord. I'm feel like I work all the time so this is good. I'm looking forward to it...I think I need something to hold on to in the Spirit. Something to grasp and contemplate and maybe that God is even doing something huge in my heart...though I'm not quite sure I have correct wording, labels, or even a theory as to what it is. I'll let you know.
10.01.2008
2 things in the midst of about 200
aaah! My mind is about ready to explode with the amount of thoughts/feelings that are inside of it. There is much to say about the insides of me right now...and very little I know how to explain.
I am all over the map with my heart...dealing with new excitements and important people in my life, the desire to pray in the urgency of the hour right now, and this weird stomach ache that activates every time I start to think and won't go away in the midst of it.
to touch on a few of the things turning my stomach and mind -
I hope that others are feeling the weight of what is going on the world right now. The weight of massive decisions and the threat of economic crisis like our generation has never seen before. I am struck by it with the desire to pray and ask God to come bring wisdom, discernment, His will and His kingdom.
It all just makes me feel silly turning labels around on lotion bottles and buying new organic natural bar soaps. I think I'm grasping the reality that I'm just intense right now and I need to get over it. :) I want to know what is on the heart of God and little else matters...
But, all of that to say that God has blessed me with some fun stuff this week that does matter to me. First thing, Arin surprised me with concert tickets this past Sunday for Beck and MGMT. I was in sore need of some good times and I got them to be sure! Secondly, I hope it isn't lame to blog about this but Arin and I have decided to make a relationship we have been praying about for some time official. :) So there's that excitement. I got me a man people and he's wonderful.
The end.
I am all over the map with my heart...dealing with new excitements and important people in my life, the desire to pray in the urgency of the hour right now, and this weird stomach ache that activates every time I start to think and won't go away in the midst of it.
to touch on a few of the things turning my stomach and mind -
I hope that others are feeling the weight of what is going on the world right now. The weight of massive decisions and the threat of economic crisis like our generation has never seen before. I am struck by it with the desire to pray and ask God to come bring wisdom, discernment, His will and His kingdom.
It all just makes me feel silly turning labels around on lotion bottles and buying new organic natural bar soaps. I think I'm grasping the reality that I'm just intense right now and I need to get over it. :) I want to know what is on the heart of God and little else matters...
But, all of that to say that God has blessed me with some fun stuff this week that does matter to me. First thing, Arin surprised me with concert tickets this past Sunday for Beck and MGMT. I was in sore need of some good times and I got them to be sure! Secondly, I hope it isn't lame to blog about this but Arin and I have decided to make a relationship we have been praying about for some time official. :) So there's that excitement. I got me a man people and he's wonderful.
The end.
9.25.2008
Cute as a button
Does anyone think that buttons are cute? I confess, I do. I just don't know why I do.
macro vs. micro
Well I'm trying to relax tonight, put my feet up, maybe watch a movie... But for some reason I don't feel very relaxed, and I can't get there. There is nothing going on personally to warrant it. Actually everything is great. But there is this sense of urgency brewing within me that I feel very strongly (to be redundant about it). As I spend more time with God it is becoming clear that is time for intercession and not just mere personal maintenance, a time to ask Him what He is doing and how He is moving in the earth and not to spend so much time worrying about what I am doing on the earth... Mkay, not that I (or we) don't have to pay attention to my own life, I'm not saying it's not important - but I'm starting to realize that my heart is actually moved more when I stop thinking about myself and start to thinking about what is on the heart of God. I know, your probably saying - well - yeah Jenn of course! To a certain extent I have realized this...but I guess I am learning it in a new way. Yeah.
9.20.2008
my dog peed on me: Ps 95 / Hebrews 3 & 4
So I've been studying Ps 95 and Hebrews 3 & 4 this week, and a little break through of understanding came this morning before I went to work.
See this week my parents were out of town on an Alaskan cruise (jealous!) and while they were gone my dog lilly and I kept each other company. I would do things like speak her name out loud merely for the fact that I knew she probably wanted to wag her tail to the tune of her name being said. Of course in a high pitched voice. Something that I happen to be ammazing at. I'd also let her sleep with me in my bed at night - because it kept me from being nervous about being alone, and it gave her a little company. (Mostly because it kept me from being nervous.) I also might have let her have a few extra table scraps from my elegant frozen pizza or cereal dinners.
Anyway, Lilly isn't accustomed to getting out of bed early and tends to be a little lazy in the mornings. This morning was no different. As I had my keys in my hand, ready to walk out the door, I called her to come so I could let her outside. I called once. She didn't come. I called twice. She came, but highly reluctantly. Then, the sleepy light bulb came on in her brain telling her that I was going to put her outside and she jolted back into my room. Usually when she does this she jumps up on my bed and looks adorable so I scoop her up and forget all about her disobeidance. Today, however, was not the case. She ran under my bed and curled up tight in the middle where there was no way I could get my hand on her. As soon as I would get her within reach she would scoot to the other side and this went on for waaay too long, of course increasing my anger b/c I was going to be late for work! Finally, as if my arm had suddenly grown an inch I grabbed her little tail and pulled her out and just as I had her....
she peed on me.
So in my wrath I threw her outside and did not fill up her doggie bowl with food (though I did get her water) changed my clothes and went to work. Very late by the way.
In the car on my way to work I felt the anger climb off of me a bit and I had enough sense to pray and ask God for help b/c my day wasn't starting so hot. And when I did He said "See...that's what Psalm 95 is all about!" (See scripture quoted in last post - it's Ps 95:verses 8-11 and Hebrews talks about it in chapters 3 & 4) I started to think about my pampering of Lilly all week, sleeping with me every night, extra bits of chicken, pizza, cereal, and english muffin w/ honey, giving her food and water and saying her name out loud just so her tail wags... And how I was only trying to be a good caretaker by putting her outside in the first place - of course I knew she needed to go outside (and even waited til the last minute to do so). She's the dog and I'm the human. I know more than she could even think about knowing.
And then she decides that it's better to do things her way. That she would rather sleep than have a good day outside and have to hold in the pee that would later free flow onto me. She decides that she can hide from me and I won't catch her. And in a way, all of this is because she doesn't trust me (Now I realize it's mostly because she isn't trained right to come when I ask her too...but just follow me okay) and she is in unbelief about who I am as her caregiver. That everything she has is because of me. That I know what is best, right, and good for her little doggie life.
You get the point right? Lesson: Trust in the Lord, for He will surely come. Unbelief is a terrible thing that turns us away from God (Hebrews 3:12) Well, I won't go further.
(side note: It's interesting to actually write this out because it's becoming more real than what it even was in the car this morning.)
See this week my parents were out of town on an Alaskan cruise (jealous!) and while they were gone my dog lilly and I kept each other company. I would do things like speak her name out loud merely for the fact that I knew she probably wanted to wag her tail to the tune of her name being said. Of course in a high pitched voice. Something that I happen to be ammazing at. I'd also let her sleep with me in my bed at night - because it kept me from being nervous about being alone, and it gave her a little company. (Mostly because it kept me from being nervous.) I also might have let her have a few extra table scraps from my elegant frozen pizza or cereal dinners.
Anyway, Lilly isn't accustomed to getting out of bed early and tends to be a little lazy in the mornings. This morning was no different. As I had my keys in my hand, ready to walk out the door, I called her to come so I could let her outside. I called once. She didn't come. I called twice. She came, but highly reluctantly. Then, the sleepy light bulb came on in her brain telling her that I was going to put her outside and she jolted back into my room. Usually when she does this she jumps up on my bed and looks adorable so I scoop her up and forget all about her disobeidance. Today, however, was not the case. She ran under my bed and curled up tight in the middle where there was no way I could get my hand on her. As soon as I would get her within reach she would scoot to the other side and this went on for waaay too long, of course increasing my anger b/c I was going to be late for work! Finally, as if my arm had suddenly grown an inch I grabbed her little tail and pulled her out and just as I had her....
she peed on me.
So in my wrath I threw her outside and did not fill up her doggie bowl with food (though I did get her water) changed my clothes and went to work. Very late by the way.
In the car on my way to work I felt the anger climb off of me a bit and I had enough sense to pray and ask God for help b/c my day wasn't starting so hot. And when I did He said "See...that's what Psalm 95 is all about!" (See scripture quoted in last post - it's Ps 95:verses 8-11 and Hebrews talks about it in chapters 3 & 4) I started to think about my pampering of Lilly all week, sleeping with me every night, extra bits of chicken, pizza, cereal, and english muffin w/ honey, giving her food and water and saying her name out loud just so her tail wags... And how I was only trying to be a good caretaker by putting her outside in the first place - of course I knew she needed to go outside (and even waited til the last minute to do so). She's the dog and I'm the human. I know more than she could even think about knowing.
And then she decides that it's better to do things her way. That she would rather sleep than have a good day outside and have to hold in the pee that would later free flow onto me. She decides that she can hide from me and I won't catch her. And in a way, all of this is because she doesn't trust me (Now I realize it's mostly because she isn't trained right to come when I ask her too...but just follow me okay) and she is in unbelief about who I am as her caregiver. That everything she has is because of me. That I know what is best, right, and good for her little doggie life.
You get the point right? Lesson: Trust in the Lord, for He will surely come. Unbelief is a terrible thing that turns us away from God (Hebrews 3:12) Well, I won't go further.
(side note: It's interesting to actually write this out because it's becoming more real than what it even was in the car this morning.)
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