time and silence: eph 5:15-17

"see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is." eph 5:15-17

time is interesting. I don't understand how it moves. Sometimes so slow, at others too quickly. Lately I have felt the latter. I have spent the majority of my time today reading the Word and trying to 'redeem the time'. I have been thinking about time in the minute/hour form and in the form of years. I have been feeling the pulse of it as I have thought about how I have spent my years - wondering if I have redeemed this life (I know I'm only 26 but things are starting to settle like a new concrete block full of decisions). And likewise I have thought about my days lately and how I have been spending the sparing minutes and hours of free time. I haven't come to any conclusions other than a great desire to simply 'redeem the time'. That one Day I will look back on my life as a long day (maybe even a short one -- goodness the thought of eternity!). In which I lived, loved, breathed, and hopefully grew in the Knowledge of God. Because when I look back I know that growing in that love and knowledge will be all which matters... Which I am thinking I need to remember more often. Which I am thinking we all need to remember more often.
Honestly I've had what I would call (probably not from God's perspective) better days with God than today. Days that He seemed to speak with a loud speaker. The Spirit of Wisdom is supposed to be the type of lady that yells in the middle of crowded hallways (Prov 1:20), but today I heard not even a faint hidden whisper. Today it is in His silence that I have to navigate the questions in my heart. The yearnings for His. And oh my gosh I haven't felt this hungry for Him in a long time. It's indeed a good place to be but a painful one on days like today when I want to hear His voice but instead he allures me with silence.

I heart Howard

hello all. Today was my grandpa's funeral. I cried a lot. It was mostly from being thankful. Thankful for a heritage. Thankful for a covering. Thankful for a grandpa that was a good man and loved his family. I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for him. Today every time they read scripture I cried. The word is so alive right now to me. I am in need of time alone with God. To sit at His feet for awhile.

right now i'm in my grandparents living room. I somehow aquired a massive sinus infection that has me feeling like a bowling ball from the chin up.

I'm Bbbaaacck/Barnes and Noble

ah. it's nice to be back in charlotte. I'm glad I got to see family, however, i missed mine here terribly. I think I called way too many people the past couple of days trying to hear all the latest news with zhop.
which happens to be a lot in one week. wow.
Today I woke up thinking that it was another day other than Thursday, which happens to be everyone's day off. Here I was all excited to pray/paint/whatever and lo and behold - it's the one day during the week in which none of these things will be happening. Ah well. My Bible, me, and my bed needed to have a little date anyway.

I learned a lot while I was gone about becoming prayer in the everyday things. I think I have the tendency to subconciously believe that since I'm away from the house of prayer that I get to slack on my prayer life or that God's presence can't be as near because I'm not in a prayer room...WRONG.
Before I left to go back to Springfield, I had a dream in which I heard the Lord saying to make myself available to Him - no matter when. And in some ways I did that this week. For instance, I found myself in a conversation with my sister, a friend that works @ barnes and noble, and this complete stranger in Barnes and Noble. All the sudden I hear loudly in my heart something from the Lord to say to the complete stranger. So I did. She was surprised and taken back. She wrote down what I said and said in a voice of unbelief, "thankyou!". It was good to walk out my lifestyle in the middle of Christmas shopping. I'm seeing how absolutely important it is as well.

trying to help...loving skills? maybe.

trying to help...loving skills? maybe.

So there's this weird thing (for lack of a better term) I'm running into lately.
It seems as though there are several people in my life that I would love to help, and should be capable of helping, but just don't quite know how to do so effectively. The circumstances vary from person to person and the circumstances don't really matter. But I seem to be hitting very thick walls when I try. I've tried throwing my hands up and saying "No Lord, You help" and and I've tried helping - However, it's as though I'm the bad guy either way...sigh...
I hate being the bad guy.
Espeically when I'm really not the bad guy.
The only thing I can think of is that I need to work on my loving skills. Ah, loving skills. There's a whole other topic.