time and silence: eph 5:15-17

"see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is." eph 5:15-17

time is interesting. I don't understand how it moves. Sometimes so slow, at others too quickly. Lately I have felt the latter. I have spent the majority of my time today reading the Word and trying to 'redeem the time'. I have been thinking about time in the minute/hour form and in the form of years. I have been feeling the pulse of it as I have thought about how I have spent my years - wondering if I have redeemed this life (I know I'm only 26 but things are starting to settle like a new concrete block full of decisions). And likewise I have thought about my days lately and how I have been spending the sparing minutes and hours of free time. I haven't come to any conclusions other than a great desire to simply 'redeem the time'. That one Day I will look back on my life as a long day (maybe even a short one -- goodness the thought of eternity!). In which I lived, loved, breathed, and hopefully grew in the Knowledge of God. Because when I look back I know that growing in that love and knowledge will be all which matters... Which I am thinking I need to remember more often. Which I am thinking we all need to remember more often.
Honestly I've had what I would call (probably not from God's perspective) better days with God than today. Days that He seemed to speak with a loud speaker. The Spirit of Wisdom is supposed to be the type of lady that yells in the middle of crowded hallways (Prov 1:20), but today I heard not even a faint hidden whisper. Today it is in His silence that I have to navigate the questions in my heart. The yearnings for His. And oh my gosh I haven't felt this hungry for Him in a long time. It's indeed a good place to be but a painful one on days like today when I want to hear His voice but instead he allures me with silence.