boo

i'm really not happy about this whole car thing. I didn't think it was going to be as big of a deal as it has turned out to be. And I didn't really imagine not driving my car again even after looking at the damage.
So I am on the hunt for another car...I'm going to go tonight and say goodbye to Hercules and get all my belongings out of my car. The saddest part about it is I it would drive just fine...just needs a new headlight and some love.
le sigh. Life. It can totally throw you for a loop so quickly can't it?

a totaled Hercules? : the tale of the flying deer 2

Well...my car is probably "totaled". Which means I'm going to get in a fight with my insurance company.
I don't want a new car. I like mine... proudly dubbed "Hercules" because of it's amazing durability. From here to the West Coast to the East Coast, Hercules and I have become great friends. So I've spent all night preparing myself for an insurance fight trying to save Hercules from the salvage yard. It's silly, I could go to the body shop tonight with some ductape, and drive it for 5 or 6 years just fine...

What would you pay for a 1997 Honda Civic EX Coupe in great condition w/ 154,000 miles on it? The books say anywhere between $4,000 - $6,500.

Insurance sucks.

country roads: the tale of the flying deer

After americano olympics last night I went on a little drive with my friend Arin out of the city limits. The coffee shop started to get quite loud and crowded. And to be honest my americano wasn't very good. I actually bought a coke to redeem it. Anyhow, I love taking long drives on beautiful nights and it seemed like a good idea. It was a perfect night for some loud worship music in the car, rolled down windows, and back country roads. My thoughts were flying a million miles a minute and then....so was the deer that I hit.

My awesome perfect night turned into flashes of flying deer (I'm not kidding that thing hit air!),deer fur on the hood of my car, and a nice antifreeze leak, broken headlights, and smashed front end, all the way home. But I'm glad Arin was with me - knowing just what to do, say, and pray. And I actually laughed more than was stressed about it - I surprised myself. I was thankful that it wasn't worse and that the car was halfway drive-able.
So I woke up today and took my car in, and luckily my sister isn't driving her car any time soon so I get to snag it for the week.

The End

the Olympics 2

So I watched this the other night when I was posting about how much I love the Olympics. (I may or may not have been up until 2am watching them last night) This is the best swimming relay in history. France was the favored team to win and was talking trash on the American team...I love the British commentary on this You Tube video. Mark and Eric - this will make you love the good ole' US of A.

Bet you can't guess who's foot this is??

no more blood on your clothes: hebrews 10:12

I've been reading Hebrews this week. (I stopped on chapter 4 for awhile which speaks of God's rest. It was awesome, you should check that chapter out...) I've been reading about the crazy, scandalous concept of the New Covenant and the New Priesthood brought to us by the potent blood of Jesus. I'm not going to lie, it's hard to understand. Now I know nothing about the arguments about authorship of the book, but it seems to me impossible that this book was Paul. It just reads differently than any other book in the Bible. It's so smart it's like reading a dictionary with a pair of bifocals. Okay, not that bad but you get my point - basically i'm saying it translates into a book of concepts and sentences that go way over my head - so I've been reading it in what I like to call my "water bible" translation - the New Living Translation. But it's been helping me understand Melchizedek and why Jesus was called a priest according to his line. I love it...it actually says in chapter 7 that Mel remains a priest forever, resembling the Son of God. (7:3) And he does. There's mystery cloaked around this endless priest, just like the whole book of Hebrews.
Anyway, in chapter 10:12 it says:
"But our High Priest offered himself to God as one sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down at the place of highest honor at God's right hand. There he waits until his enemies are humbled as a footstool under his feet. For by that one offering he perfected forever all those whom he is making holy."
Woah. There's so much to think about that... I am trying to picture living back in the day during the law of Moses. Can you imagine trying to be close to God during that time? Because you want to and because your a Jew, the apple of God's eye - one of His people, however, knowing that you should be following the Law but you can't obtain perfection (you think being a Christian can be frustrating now?). You know, growing up memorizing the law, getting blood on your hands and clothes because you kill things for sacrifice, and not doing anything on Sundays (well, actually Saturday's right?). Thus living a life knowing the infinite distance from the One who made you. I'm maybe making it dramatic, but I think that I would feel a bit of that? I think.
Then Jesus comes and dies once. And because He sacrificed Himself as the God Man, and not as a Levite but under a whole new set of rules (Melchizedek priesthood)- the distance doesn't seem so infinite anymore. None of those daily sacrifices could do what He did (no matter how many annoying stains were left on your nicest tunic, how many times you walked up the hill with all of your family for sacrifice)- it was an is nothing you or I can take credit for. God's actually sitting up there next to God (I'd like to picture in this context that he's reclining or eating an orange or something) thinking your perfect just as you are. I mean, he perfected you forever and is making you holy. The now and the not yet. :) Don't worry you don't have to get anymore calves blood on your clothes...

This is a bit abstract, I know. i'm still thinking about the crazy differences between the Law and Jesus's shattering of it. And what it all means. And how it changed everything. And how thankful I am.

daniel fast

My time in Charlotte is drawing to a close. I'm sorta sad about it. God knows it and I know it. Maybe I'm supposed to be here?
Anyway.
So the house of prayer is doing a 40 day fast and i'm Danieling it up with them for the next 40 days. I wasn't intending on doing so. Actually I didn't even know that they were on the brink of doing one - I'm not gonna lie - the Lord actually told me Himself before anyone told me. Wanna hear the story? I generally don't share these types of things on my blog...esp. about fasting - but why not. Right? Right.

So when I first got here - actually when I first stepped into the prayer room here - the Lord put a phrase in my heart:
"You have purposed in your heart. He has purposed in His heart."
At first I thought it was something really illuminous and serious that the Lord was speaking to me about. And after telling a few choice people about it and searching the scriptures I found out that in the first chapter of Daniel it uses the phrase "Daniel purposed in his heart..." when talking about not eating defiling food when King Neb was picking his chosen men. So then I asked God if He in His mighty goodness could be calling me to do a Daniel fast. Of course out of my lack of desire to actually do so - particularly while I was getting ready to celebrate living for 26 years - sort of left it at that. I did, but God didn't.
Anyway - a couple of days after my discovery I heard the buzz around here that on June 30th Z h o p and other ministries around and abroad would be calling a 40 day fast. At the same time the buzz started going on, (you know if you've ever been a part of a fasting community that people start major conversations about what they are going to do) there was the conference in which Corey R. came and spoke at. Last Sunday morning he was speaking on the benefits of fasting and weakness before the Lord. During the alter call I was hanging back after quasi-babysitting for 30 minutes or so - and Corey caught my eyes and gave me the stern pointed index finger - and said "get up here girl!" So, of course I did. And he said this, "You think you've been taking a vacation but your going to fast. The Lord has already told you you are going to fast." And I was like - okay - case closed. I know what the Lord meant by "You have purposed in your heart."

So tomorrow I leave. Right now I'm in the master suite here in the house with an open window listening to the Cause do their thing outside. It's something like 30 days of night meetings under a tent in which they play amazing loud live goodness for all to hear. It's like half a mile away from my house and I can hear it clear as a bell. This place is such a trip! I love me it.

Okay, all for now dear friends. Soon it will be picture time.

I am and always will be an INFJ

The buzz phrase around here lately has been this:
"What personality type are you?"
Of course as many of you know, when people ask that most of the time they are all referring to the Myers-Briggs Personality Test - one I have taken many times. I retook it after many conversations here with folks about my type, you know just to make sure it still applied - and i still got it - the INFJ syndrome.

I think everyone who reads this should take this short little test and tell me what they are as well. Come on, you wouldn't have read this blog if you didn't have a couple extra minutes to spare. Right? Right. Actually a couple of minutes is all you really need. It literally took me 3 minutes to take it.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
** Side note: for some dumb reason the hyperlink won't work on this. So you'll have to cut and paste**
Just hit "Do it" and answer the questions. Then comment and tell me what you are. Let me know too if you think it's accurate at all. There are a lot more type explanations on the web and all you need to do is google your type to find them....

Here's a little about me in case you want to know. I wholeheartedly identify with all of these statements, and have found it really nice to know a little more about myself from a completely unbiased perspective.

"INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions.
NFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring.
Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement."

almost there

Yesterday i found out that they have found my replacement at my job. you know, the one I quit a month ago - i know you might have forgotten about that, i almost did. And consequently I didn't really expect it. Although of course i did at some point, maybe just not yesterday. maybe not so soon. or maybe i expected it sooner and then it didn't happen so i then i was lingering. i thought about going up to my boss yesterday (before my replacement was in for her second interview) and telling him that i would stick around even longer, that it really wasn't so bad. I know i was just trying to tell myself that of course. I happen to think that God shut the door for me.
So at the end of May I will be done with my chocolate experience. Thus begins my wandering and praying for the right thing to come. i have a feeling that my life is going to take some huge turns (of course that would be expected to a certain extent - but more so than just a job change) however i don't know quite yet what those are.
The best way I've come up with to explain how my life is playing out right now is the way one feels when getting ready to climb a big, fat, long, craggy peak. You know if you've climbed a peak that as you rise early from your Mountain Hardware sleeping bag and matching tent, that there are feelings of excitement. And then you get to the trailhead, you take a good look around, maybe get out your topo map, and you see the peak ahead. You think it looks pretty from the trailhead - look at the pretty snow and endearing clouds that cover the top of it - not so much close to a friggin nightmare (okay I'm being dramatic) to actually summit. You look around and see streams and valleys and the path ahead - and there's a thrill in the fact that you are about to accomplish something - i mean birds are singing. Then, of course you walk. And walk. AND WALK. And walk so more. And and some point, there are scary places. The air is thin, there are craggy rocks, your low on water, your cold, and there are multiple thoughts of stopping....

I'll jump ahead to where this is going for the both of us: you get to the top, don't worry. It just isn't a cake walk. It's a mountain. So I'm thinking that I'm somewhere in the middle of this thing walking.

Anyway, I'm optimistic after talking to some close family members and friends. Thanks to those of you who have been there for me in this weird part of life. I think I've grown from it way more than I even realize.

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo of a dove on my foot.
anyone have thoughts on tattoos they would like me to share?
Now i'm not sold on the idea...yet. I'm still in the thinking stage of the commitment process. You know, I'm not for sure but maybe... probably...
Michelle has one on her foot. It's of a cute little owl she has named Charlotte. I think i need one on my foot too - but I like the idea of having a dove. It's more on the symbolic side of things. Anyway, just a thought.

A hijacking by some not so smooth criminals

Well, this weekend we celebrated our wonderful friend for her bachelorette party. She is marrying a police officer so we thought it best to take her by force - fully loaded with a white van and dressed up in appropriate ganster/cop/criminal/something close to criminal attire. The whole night was quite fun as you can see from the pics below. Congratulations to my beautiful friend who has prayed with me, encouraged and loved me, and been through so many parts of my life. Nothing says I love you and congrats like a good blindfolding and whistle in the shape of....nevermind.

worse to worse.

I feel like things are just going from worse to worse.
I wish it would let up. But it's not. Lord what are you dooooing???

On the happy side, here are some pictures of my beautiful Mitch and I. She's my sunshine right now.

What is the What

I'm reading a really good book, titled What is the What by Dave Eggers.
It's a fiction biography on the life a Sudanese Lost Boy, Valentino Achak Deng. I'm throughly enjoying the book as it accounts for Achak's life in the midst of war in Sudan. I'm learning a lot about the current crisis in Darfur as well as his view, as a displaced Sudanese refugee, on how the crisis started many years ago. The book explains real life situations of displaced Sudanese that many of us American's simply find unfathomable. It's one view point of what 4mil displaced Sudanese people (2mil dead) went through in the 80's and what millions are going through now in Darfur.

As I have been in the prayer movement, I'm finding that it's wisdom to seek to understand what is going on currently in the world. That may seem like a silly common sense statement, but so many of us walk around with our heads in the sand about what is really going on. I walk around with my head in the sand. Thus i don't know how to pray, or what to pray for... I (we) find ourselves concerned only with what strikes our surroundings and in the end we will be confused and troubled that we didn't know before. Our ignorance, my ignorance, is blinding.
Example:
For instance, someone outside of my house is shooting off fireworks. Of course it is November so you may find this a little odd...But I find it EXTREMELY odd beacuse these people probably don't know (or maybe just don't care) that the Southeast (which definitely includes Charlotte) is in the worst drought it's been in over 100 years. Fireworks. Fireworks? Fireworks + drought = FIRE.

So my ranting leaves me to this, I want to know how to pray Lord. I want to know what is on your heart and how to move heaven. I want to understand what days I live in. Give me wisdom not to set off fireworks in a drought. Give me wisdom to see how you see. Give me the wisdom to pursue knowledge (prov 2-3).

Mistakes are no fun

Yesterday I traveled back with the team from Macon, GA. We (Katie B's team) were at a conference there called "The Gathering" hosted by the Macon House of Prayer. It was an incredible refreshing time. I don't really know how to describe it other than that - it just reminded me again of all the reasons I truly believe in the House of Prayer and the prayer movement. Simply stated: I love and believe in what I do.

So today I made a huge mistake. The kind that happens completely unknowningly, but costs other people hurt feelings and general all around messyness. As a result of my horrible mistake I feel terrible tonight. Ah gees - making those kind of blunders - the kind that are about as intentional as breathing air - feels dreadful. I don't have any sound reasoning behind it, no excuses, just a straight foward miscalculation that makes me feel about two feet tall minus a couple inches.
I wish Jesus weren't the only one who had rights to being perfect.

Tonight I think I am going to finish the painting I am working on, work out, and watch Heros. Maybe by then I'll forget about being a doofus.
Oh and I'll have to take a picture of the painting when it's done - it's of an apple tree orchard. Based off of Song of Solomon. I dig. Maybe you'll dig too.

Lastly, here is a link I must share with you: http://corgilicious.blogspot.com Please please read. It's by my favorite Sammy Houghton.

here you go, something to make your happy

get up and dance yo! I investigated the title Los Mono Promesas and it means "The Promise"
I just thought it was funny and I needed to share the dancing looney looove....

working on stuff

so i'm at dillworth coffee house working on my update letter - it's my day off folks. these always take me such a long time because I am a closet perfectionist. So yeah, here comes another one - hopefully sooner rather than later.
I feel as if there is so much to get caught up on since I have been gone. I must have emailed over 100 emails yesterday. My fingers started to hurt and I was wondering why, then I realized I had been going at the computer screen for several hours. funny how time passes slowly in a computer's electronic glow.
on the list of things to do:
- go to the bank
- go get groceries (healthy)
- put renewal tags on car
- schedule my time out more concretely with new teams on schedule
- finish winniemonthly
- get car fixed (if I can swing it $$ wise)
- and get back on the prayer horse. (I haven't exactly gotten off but I haven't spent near as much time doing it as I would in the prayer room)

I know it's a boring post so far - but it's what is on my mind people.


last night I got to spend time listening to an amazing Rwandan pastor who is the kind of prophet that can read your mail better than a postman.
Late into the night he told stories of his church and his people and it reminded me of why I LOVE doing what I do - as a prayer missionary and as an assistant. After I left I looked up the Rwandan Genocide of 1994. I had seen Hotel Rwanda but had never really studied in depth what happened. What I found was staggering. 800,000 people brutally killed within 100 days.
I remember the movie made me cry repeatedly but just reading the history of the nation and genocide from wikipedia - in that dry encylopedia sort of way - made me cry! If you don't know anything about it just google it up. What has been happening for years upon years to the African people is staggering and a cause for much prayer (to say the least for something that is beyond mere words).


that's it for now. love you guys.

lisa frank anyone?

anyone out there remember lisa frank?
a friend and I got into a discussion tonight about good ole lisa frank... thought i should bring it up.

went on an amazing mountain bike ride today. it kicked my butt. i was fighting not having any leg muscles and fear of loosing my legs... double trouble. but i came out okay and breathing hard. it felt good. think i'll go again tomorrow.

WV and dreams

I got back from West Virginia yesterday around 5:30pm. Spent the rest of the night watching a movie (Snatch) and then finishing a book. West Virginia was great. We had some really good time with the church's (Voice of Praise in Bluefield, WV) Pastor and his family while we were there. On Sat night we didn't have a meeting so we spent our time talking over coffee and playing scrabble on recliners. Yesterday we did the church service there and the worship was great along with an A-game preach by Bekah about the Holy Spirit.
I dreamt this morning that Sarah Jessica Parker was my older sister. Just thought you should know. I thought it was strange because I typically don't dream unless it's significant and has some crazy deep spiritual meaning -- which of course wasn't the case here. At the house of prayer we do a weekly meeting in which we share our dreams that may have any kind of corporate meaning. It's so interesting how a theme usually develops in each meeting and is hugely benefical to what is going on at the house of prayer, etc. Until I came to Fort Mill I never considered that God still speaks through dreams. But i know He still does - probably not through random dreams like SJP being one's sister, but you know what i'm saying.

Planes and Deeogies

So..
on the way home I was in the lucky 50% that didn't have to be subject to delayed or canceled flight status. Lucky me. I actually had a ticket with the right gate numbers AND the right time. Watch out. Could this be a turn around for the Nation's popular form of transportation? (probably not)
I wasn't so lucky though as far as seat selection goes. I got to sit next to the most fidgety lady who smelled like alcohol and stale cigerettes. She also happened to have a wonderful cough that made it into my personal space more than I care to recall. Today I'm not feeling so hot and even though it's not a cough I want to blame it on her. And if it could get any worse it did - but I won't tell you about the people that crazy cough lady and I sat behind... Lets just say they were crazy bar dancers. I was begging for more time to use my ipod so i could not listen to their revealing (and loud) conversation.

Well here I am back in Charlotte, NC. Mostly safe and mostly sound. Today I slept in, did some laundry, and went to the grocery store. Exciting. Actually it was a little - I really really like grocery stores and if you get me in the right mood I actually enjoy shopping for food. However it's a trade off because typically when I enjoy it I spend more money but whatever.

Now it's time to jump into the world of the emails that piled up over the weeks. However before I do that I must share with you some pictures from Springfield. This time it is of the deeogies that I spent time with...


This is Lilly Seifert - the new addition to the Seifert family. My dad thinks it's going to be a hunting beagle but my mom thinks that all Lilly will do is go shopping with her. Lilly proves to be as aborable as my parents. :)

Sam Houghton the deeogie. i miss him at the moment. he's a love bug. all he lives for is to be petted. Oh and behind him is a painting that I worked on while home and finished. I'm really excited about it. I'll post some pics of the finished product on the next bloggie.

Michelle and Sam Houghton.

Computers

So. I haven't written anything in a long time. Actually I have but it's been on private not public for awhile - lots of blogging gone journalling for me lately. Basically to put you all up to date - I have been praying and admining every day for the past month. It's been a good season but full of things to accomplish that hasn't left much room for blogging. I did get a great weekend with Michelle, my sister in a couple of weekends ago and that was amazing fun time for both of us.

Today however, I sat in a chair for 4 hours waiting to get my taxes done. (no fun by the way)
I sat and sat and sat - luckily had a book and my cell phone - but mostly I just sat. Then, when it was my turn (finally) to go to the tax-man, as soon as he began to type my name in the computer experienced some major techincal difficulties. (Resolving me to sit some more.)
Which brings me to another topic - computers and the prayer movement... I was sitting at lunch the other day and discussing with several other prayer missionaries about the nearly crazy amount of computer problems that tie into the prayer movement. They seem to happen, without warning, as soon as any of us at zhop start to do any random admin on the computer.
It also seems as though any time I have a deadline and I think, oh, this should be easy. I should know by now that easy doesn't exist in this context. Typically, what I experience is that I go to type and something crazy happens and shuts whatever computer I am using down.
Example: Yesterday a couple of prayer missionaries went to kinko's to simply print some nametags off. Easy right? Kinko's has their business down and everything should be simple. NO. As soon as they walked in the door the Kinko's dude announced that for some reason all of their copiers and machines were down and not able to print.
Example 2: Tax-man today. Something that should have taken a total of 30 minutes took about 2 hours due to techincal difficulties.
I have more but I shall spare you....

I think that there is something going on here.

Let me know if you actually read this. I wonder if anyone checks this blog anymore due to my inconsistency lately.